It Never Would've Worked Out Anyway
by pagesix
Summary: Just what would Miranda do to keep Andy for herself?   Don't own these characters and some of the words came directly from Brad Paisley. No copy right infringement intended. Sorry if I offend w/ borrowing.


"What the freakin' hell!"

"Hey Andy", Doug and Lily said in unison. "What's up?"

Andy threw her jacket over the back of the couch and her bag on the floor next to it. Then, grabbing a beer from the small ice bucket on the coffee table, she kicked her shoes off and plopped down on said couch next to Doug. She took a long pull from the beer bottle, then closing her eyes and leaning her head back, sighed deeply. "I can not believe my luck."

"What's wrong, sunshine?" Doug asked cheekily before sipping from his own beer.

"I was just dumped…again" She muttered.

"Wow", Lily intoned, "that's like, what? The seventh time in the last four months?"

"I know… right?" Andy looked incredulous. "I mean, seriously. Is there really something wrong with me? I mean, I am not stuck on myself, but I can't seem to get a guy past the third date. What the hell am I doing wrong?" she pleaded.

"Playing hard to get", Doug laughed.

Andy punched him in the arm before continuing her rant. "Is there some new rule of dating that I'm unaware of? I mean, I know its been a while since I've been on the scene, but, really?… nothing past three dates? What am I doing?"

Lily offered a guess. "Maybe it's the pheromones. I mean, it's been what? Nine months since Nate? Maybe your pheromones just aren't producing anymore. And without pheromones, we just aren't attractive anymore."

"Is that your final answer? The both of you are useless."; Andy pouted.

Doug was the first to break the drinking silence, "Ok, if all you want is some action, I have a friend you might be interested in. If you can't get this guy, then there is something seriously wrong with you. I'm talkin', 'get yourself checked out by a doctor' wrong".

"That doesn't exactly sound romantic, Dougie".

"Romantic?…no. But, it could be a litmus test to see if you still got it or if your really broken".

"OK, I'm listening and I've only had one beer, so I must be desperate…"

"You serious?" Lily asked, astounded at the possibility

"Yeah. Let's do it. Dougie, call him… before I change my mind."

"All right." Doug gleefully grabbed his phone. "Should Lily and I go with? As a double date? You know, moral support and all…"

"Yeah, sure. If he's awful I can use you to get me out of it"

The call was made and the date scheduled. The rest of the evening fell to beer, shop talk, and laughter. The following Friday, Andy, Lily, and Doug were sitting at their corner table in the back of the room, waiting for Andy's "date" to return from the bar with their latest round. Doug leaned across towards Andy and intently asked, "So? I think it's going well, how about you?"

Andy smiled brightly. "Yeah, I think so, too. I have to admit, he really seems nice. And I think he's interested…"

"No shit, girl," Lily chimed in. "That guy has been undressing you all night. He can't wait to get him some. You gonna give it up?"

"I just might," Andy smugly answered. "He has Doug's seal of approval. He's been infatuated with me for… how long, Doug?"

"Last ten months, at least"

"And, I expect, from his initial geeky impression, I may be his first."

Over the body shaking laughter, Andy continued. "No, really, he's very sweet. I am actually considering going along with this."

Just as she finished her last comment, Andy's date returned to the table. He placed three drinks on the table, stood, looked around at the three friends, and then excused himself from the evening. "I'm sorry, Doug, but I have to get going."

"What, but Brian, I thought you… that we… are you sure?"

"Yeah, Doug. I, uh… have an appointment early in the morning. I, um, I gotta get home. It was nice meeting you", he added looking at Lily and then at Andy. "Enjoy the rest of your evening." Then he turned and left.

Doug turned back to Andy to see her doing a very good imitation of a guppy. "shock", he thought, "definitely shock"

"I don't believe this," Andy breathed out. "Did that really just happen?" She looked like she was about to cry. "There really is something wrong with me".

Lily reached across the table and grabbed her hand. "No, Andy, no. There is nothing wrong with you. Do you hear me? Nothing".

"I'll talk to him, Andy", Doug offered. "I'll see what his problem is. This just is not right".

They finished their drinks in silence and then left the bar.

Wednesday evening found Andy cleaning out the cabinets in her kitchen when her cell phone chirped. Reading the text, she went to unlock her front door in preparation for Doug's arrival. Five minutes later she heard the door bang open. "Hi honey, I'm home" Doug bellowed.

Andy laughed weakly. "In here, Dougie", she called.

"Hey babe. So, I brought some vino, some Thai take out, and… some news."

Andy straightened to her full height pondered a moment, and then decided. "Set out the food, poor the wine, and then… we'll dish".

After their dinner was half eaten and one bottle of wine was gone, Doug gave up his intel. "So, Brian's story…he was approached by some woman at the bar who told him you went out with her brother and gave him an std." Doug gulped down the last of his wine and grabbed the second bottle to open it as he stared blankly at Andy who sat, mouth agape and eyes glassed over with shock. Then, as he watched, a myriad of expressions flew across Andy's face. Confusion, disbelief, anger, disbelief, fear, disbelief… "I… who… some… I… do you… all of them?…" Andy could not complete a coherent thought.

Doug pushed back from the table, stood, moved around to Andy's side, and grabbed her in a gentle, supportive, non-yielding hug, until she broke down in tears. The sobs slowed to hiccups, and then sniffles, before a deep sigh and silence. A warm hand patting her on the back brought Andy around. They left the food on the table, grabbed the wine and moved to the couch.

"Do you think he's telling the truth?"

"Yeah. You met him. Brian is not the type to come up with a story like that on his own. He really was into you. And for it to go sour that fast… it's gotta be true."

"Do you think someone has been sabotaging me all along?"

"I don't know. But I guess it would explain your dry spell. I mean you finally get back into the dating pool after years and not a single guy is willing to stick it out for you? I mean, jeez, Andy… You are freakin' hot. And you know that's a fact if I'm saying it. Gay guys don't blow smoke up girls skirts."

Andy snorted through her nose at that. "But, who would do that? Who would hate me so much? I couldn't have stepped on anyone's toes. Who would have an agenda like that?" And then it clicked… "Miranda"

"What? Andy, no way. Miranda Priestly? What on earth…"

"Because I walked out on her. She's a sick, manipulative bitch. She let me get the job I wanted, but she had to hurt me in some way.

So now she's going after my personal life. She's trying to drive me crazy"

"No, Andy. She wouldn't do that. That's too much, even for her. Do you honestly think she would follow you around and, and, and… dive bomb your boyfriends?"

"No, SHE wouldn't. But she would definitely have some minion do it for her."

"Ok, we are in the land of Oz here. I don't think things are what they seem. I think you've been smelling the poppies."

"Yeah, whatever. Now that I know who it is, I can figure out what to do."

Over the next few days Andy made a number of phone calls. Her months of honing her investigative journalism skills were definitely going to pay off. She tracked down each of the ill fated "exes" and investigated.

Miranda Priestly moved through the gathering of sycophants like a benevolent goddess among avid followers; bored by the throng but condescendingly social. She sipped from her flute of champagne as she took in the surrounding faces. Her eyes widened in surprise when they landed on a very familiar form gliding across the floor in a direct line of interception. She briefly considered making a dignified run for it, but the thought slipped away when she heard the iron will through the tight voice that simply said, "Don't". It was not yelled across the room, or really raised in any uncivilized manner, but the coldness in the tone froze Miranda to her spot.

Miranda had the fleeting thought 'she is beautiful when she's angry' pass through her mind just before Andrea Sachs' face was within an inch of her own. Andy had moved in quickly for an "air kiss" but paused long enough before pulling away to whisper "You have some explaining to do, Priestly". The coquettish smile that graced her lips caused Miranda's breath to catch. Knowing, without a doubt that the game was up, Miranda's defenses dropped for a millisecond. Like a magic trick, Miranda's expression softened, her face becoming pure seduction as her voice purred, "Hmmm, yes. But, not here." Then her own words reminded her exactly where she was and she blinked and her face was transformed once again to the elegant fashion icon.

Andy's brain stumbled. What she just witnessed wiped her mind clean. She literally forgot why she was even here, in front of Miranda Priestly. Miranda's voice, low and firm, and comforting in it's familiarity, brought Andy's focus back. "Come by the townhouse tomorrow at five. We'll have time to talk then".

Andy knew she was dismissed. Not wanting to cause a scene, especially since there was a self important man waiting conspicuously to the side for a chance to speak with Miranda, Andy leaned in, gave another air kiss, and then went home.

It was 4:45pm and Andy was climbing the steps of Miranda's townhouse. She was undecided as to the reason for her early arrival. In order to maintain her righteous indignation, she decided not to think it was fear of Miranda that had her reaching out to ring the doorbell 15 minutes before her scheduled appointment.

The door was pulled open by Miranda, herself. She immediately took the lead in the score of this game they were playing. Andy was struck dumb at the sight of Miranda Priestly, once more wrapped cozily in her grey silk bathrobe, and standing barefoot on the cool tile floor of the entryway. "Well, Andrea," she murmured softly, "It's good to see you have not forgotten everything you learned at _Runway_."

Andy came back to herself with a hard swallow and answered, "Good evening, Miranda. You look as lovely as ever".

"Flattery, Andrea? How original." Miranda said as she stepped back, allowing Andy entrance. Once the door was closed Miranda offered to take Andy's coat, then led her to her study. She offered a glass of wine, which was accepted, and then settled in her arm chair to observe a pacing Andy. After a few moments of tense silence, Miranda asked, "Was there something you wanted to discuss, Andrea, or did you simply want to wear a trench in my carpet?"

"How about you start with an explanation, Miranda" Andy demanded, glaring at the woman who used to cause Andy to stutter with fear.

"I'd rather not." Miranda sniffed.

"You'd rather… Alright," Andy was fighting for control of her anger, "You listen to me. This is not your office. You will not pull this 'I never explain myself' shit. Now tell me what the hell you're up to."

"Oh, settle down", Miranda responded, as if she were already bored with the conversation. Without even trying to deny her involvement in Andy's relationship conundrum, Miranda continued, "I honestly do not understand why you are so upset. Where's your sense of humor?"

"My sense of humor? Have you truly lost your mind? You have been going around ruining my reputation"

"Like you really had a reputation to ruin"

"God damn it, Miranda. Keep you sarcastic wit out of this."

"Lighten up, Andrea. They were just tiny little rumors I started to keep you from making serious mistakes. I was looking out for you."

"Looking out for me."

"Really, Andrea, a bicycle messenger? A waiter? A theater usher? Don't you have any self respect? Besides, I'm sure the throng of potential suitors never once believed the lies I told were true."

"Lies you told. You aren't even going to deny any of this?"

"What's there to deny? Even if I am responsible for scaring them away, you really ought to be thanking me for doing you a favor. It never would have worked out, anyway."

"It never would have… Miranda, you don't get to decide that for me. You have no right to interfere with my personal relationships. You are NOT the boss of me, anymore. I do NOT work for you. And, even if I did, this would be so far beyond wrong. If you want to get back at me for leaving you in Paris then ruin my career, like any normal professional psychopath. Don't destroy my personal life."

"I have no intention of ruining you, Andrea. Don't be so melodramatic."

"Melo… Miranda, this is insane. People in professional relationships, good or bad, current or past, do not invade the personal lives of each other. You're accusing me of being melodramatic, but you're the one acting like a jealous lov… Oh…My…God."

The proverbial light suddenly clicked on. Andy sank into the second arm chair, staring open mouthed in disbelief at a now squirming Miranda Priestly.

"I'll admit, I went a little farther than I probably ought to have, but I… I…"

"What, Miranda", Andy whispered, trying not to scare Miranda away. "You what?"

"I just can't stand the thought of you with anybody else," she blurted out before clamping her hand over her mouth and squeezing her eyes shut to keep tears from leaking out.

Silence reigned. Miranda expected to hear heals pounding across the floor followed by the slamming of the front door. She jumped and actually squeaked in surprise when she felt a hand gently grasp her own, pulling it from her face. She breathed in deeply and held it until she felt soft lips against her cheek. Then, her breath exploded in a sob and her arms wrapped tightly around Andy's neck.

"Sssshhh, Miranda… it's ok…" another kiss to a soft cheek, "I'm here," Closer to her lips. "I'll stay…" Finally, lips met lips. Ripe succulence, feeding the starving, innate hunger. Soon, Andy stood from where she had been kneeling and pulled Miranda along with her. They ascended the stairs together, their progress impeded by frequent stops to feed their mutual hunger for the feel of lips, hands, teeth… Twice, they came close to losing their balance and falling down the stairs from wrestling each other out of their clothes. By the time they stumbled through the bedroom door, Miranda had only her bra on and Andy had only her thong around her knees.

The bed welcomed them as their bodies ungracefully collapsed across the mattress. Once the reality of their actions had manifested in Andy's brain, she actually had the very brief fantasy of a first time with Miranda being slow and tender, with Andy worshipping the older woman's body with due diligence. This image was blasted away as they went at each other like tigers fighting. As Andy's teeth sank into the side of Miranda's neck, Miranda's nails clawed down her back in both need and retribution.

Andy was the first to gain the lead in this obscure competition. Jamming her hand between Miranda's thighs, she discovered a wet heat that momentarily stopped all movement. Pushing herself up and slightly away from Miranda, Andy glared into eyes that were black from desire. She waited, searching, praying for a flicker. Then, after a dozen heartbeats, she saw what she was looking for. She actually saw pure, unadulterated love shine through the blanket of anger that always protected Miranda's heart. Andy knew absolutely, in that very moment, that Miranda Priestly was hers. She knew Miranda honestly loved her. And, she knew, she would never leave Miranda. Andy unceremoniously slammed three fingers deep into Miranda's center. Miranda arched from the bed, almost throwing Andy off, and the battle resumed. Miranda's arms and legs encircled Andy, pulling her in tight. Andy's hand was now trapped between their bodies, making it difficult to maintain a thrusting rhythm. So Andy, always a bright girl and quick to catch onto things, started thrusting her hips into Miranda. This allowed for the movement and friction needed to complete her chosen task.

Miranda held her so tightly, Andy could not raise her head to watch, but Miranda's breath panting in her ears and the soft words gasped out almost as a chant, were enough to keep Andy's libido fired up as she followed Miranda towards climax. The tingle began in Miranda's belly sooner than she would have expected or wanted. In surprise she gasped, "Oh….oh no…no, no ,no", she chanted. Andy, not about to stop for any reason, and caught up in this battle of love, panted breathlessly back into Miranda's ear, "Yes… yes, yes, yes…"

Until it ended with Miranda practically screaming "Oh… ANDREA…"

Andy followed right over the abyss, "Miranda.."

Their afterglow was about as romantic as a cage fight. After a few moments of silence as they actually enjoyed the descent from their bliss, Andy slowly, and gently slid her fingers from the hold Miranda's core had on her. Rolling off Miranda to the side, leaving an arm and leg slung over her lover's body, Andy released a bark of laughter, "Jesus Christ, Miranda," she chuckled, "Do you fight in every aspect of your life?" Her hand gently caressing Miranda's face and the soft kiss she offered took any sting from her words.

Miranda actually laughed along with her, just before she flipped her over and mounted her, straddling her hips. "Oh, my poor baby," she cooed, "did I hurt you?"

"Nothing permanent, I assure you" Andy giggled.

"Is there _anything_ I can do to make it up to you?" Miranda asked, with an evil glint in her eyes.

"I'm sure you can come up with something to atone for your actions" Andy quipped

"Mmmm, perhaps, if I offered you a sacrifice?"

"Whatcha got?" Andy asked, curious to what Miranda might actually offer.

Miranda sat back, leaning against Andy's thighs that she had thoughtfully raised up in support. She watched Andy very closely for a long moment. She studied Andy in much the same way Andy had just studied her. With a nod of satisfaction, Miranda leaned in closely, bringing her lips to brush against Andy's. With a soft kiss she evenly stated "My heart."

Andy gasped. She stared at Miranda, praying the woman wasn't teasing. There was no smirk, no dismissive sniff. Andy realized Miranda was baring herself. Leaving herself open. Giving Andy the chance to truly destroy her. In answer, Andy reached for Miranda, pulling her into a tight embrace. Tears leaked out of tightly closed eyes as she fought to breathe. "Oh god, Miranda", Andy sobbed.

Round two was more in keeping with Andy's first time fantasy. Soft, slow kisses stretched on languidly as their bodies slid against each other. Smoldering passion banked safely, began to flare as tongues began to dance together. Hands began to roam, gentle caresses at first, became needy in their seeking. Miranda began to slide down Andy's body, her lips, teeth and tongue following the path of goose bumps left by her fingers. Andy released a moan, long and low as Miranda's mouth closed around a hardened nipple. Fluid leaked form her center as her body began a seductive undulation. Her legs squeezing and releasing Miranda's waist in a rhythm to match Miranda's tongue as it sucked on the fleshy pebble. Andy began to hum while Miranda paid homage to her breasts.

Andy's tune began to climb the register as Miranda descended her torso. There was no mistaking Miranda's intent, and Andy was not about to call a time out. Andy's legs splayed wide in order to accommodate Miranda's shoulders as they slid past hips. Miranda's fingers teased upwards, along Andy's thighs, past the hollow of her hips, before gently sinking into the soft flesh hidden by neatly trimmed curls. Andy was panting, almost to the point of hyperventilating by the time Miranda's tongue sliced through her soaked folds. Andy's hips bucked off the bed as she squealed, "Oh fuck!, oh Miranda… Jesus"

Miranda applied her work ethic and relentless tenacity to her current situation, sliding her tongue over, around and through the hills and valleys of Andy's sex, demanding success. And success she achieved, after long moments of teasing pleasure, as Andy's keening wail reverberated off the walls with Miranda sucking hard on her clit and curling two fingers deep within. The explosive energy of Andy's orgasm helped pull Miranda into one of her own as her hips ground into the mattress.

Silence blanketed the two bodies as labored breathing evened out. Andy was gently running her fingers through Miranda's hair, effectively absolving the silver haired vixen of any wrong doing. They rested, breathing in the scent of each other and absorbing the raw emotions decanted throughout the evening. With a deep sigh, Miranda pulled herself up the bed, taking Andy in her arms and dragging the sheet across their bodies. A soft kiss to Andy's temple gave her permission to sleep. "You will stay with me" were the last words Andy heard as she drifted off.

8 months later….

"Holy shit, you're moving in?" Doug's voice bounced around the near empty apartment.

"That's right." Andy replied, in an almost perky tone.

"I so did not see this coming."

"You should have been paying closer attention", Lilys voice sounded from the kitchen as she helped box up the last of Andy's things.

"Cut him some slack, Lils," Andy defended Doug, "He was way too distracted with all the perks of the relationship".

Doug could not argue the assessment. Since Andy had officially gotten together with Miranda, she was the recipient of all the "loot" from _Runway_ that Miranda didn't need, want, or care about. Half of this, Andy passed on to her friends. Now, with Nate long gone, there was no stigma attached to the appreciation of the finer things in life. Andy was also the recipient of things that Miranda purchased for her, specifically. Including a $40,000 Cartier diamond ring. Doug exclaimed again when the glint from the sunlight caught his eye. "Holy shit, Andy. What the hell is that?" he demanded, pointing at the ring.

"It's a ring, Dougie" Andy replied in the most bored tone she could summon.

Lily joined in on the conversation, slightly embarrassed that she had missed it herself, "What kind of ring, Andy?"

"You know, a diamond ring." Andy began to profusely blush

"What's the significance of this diamond ring?" Doug goaded.

"Well, uh,… you know…." Andy stammered.

"No freakin' way" Doug exploded.

"Andy, for real?" Lily asked in a muffled shriek.

"Um… yes?" Andy meekly offered.

"Holy…" "Yes Douglas, we are well aware how you idolize shit" a sharp, cold tone interrupted Doug's last exclamation as a goddess in Bill Blass and Prada brushed past Doug. "Hello, darling," Miranda spoke softly and directly to Andy as she leaned in to kiss her cheek. Her eyes helped to anchor and stabilize Andy, giving her the strength to face the scrutiny of her friends. Offering a tight smile and a slight nod of permission, Miranda picked up Andy's wine glass and helped herself. Andy's smile rivaled the sun as she turned to face her friends again.

"Yes, Doug, Lily, this is what you think. This is an engagement ring. And, yes, it was bestowed upon me by Miranda." She ended lightly, as if it was every day that she got engaged to a powerful, successful, sexy, female multi-millionaire.

"Well…. Hell", Lily splutterd, "Congratulations." She grinned, and Andy could easily see by the shining eyes, that Lily was not faking her sentiment. Doug was still in shock, but the grin spreading across his face gave Andy the relief of tension she needed. He turned on his heel and went to the front hall to rummage through his bag. Andy glanced at Lily and Miranda in confusion, neither offering any help in understanding what he was up to.

Doug returned to the kitchen presenting a bottle of champagne. He had a silly grin on his face as he started to peel the seal paper from the cap. "I thought we'd celebrate your move." he remarked. "I had no idea we'd be toasting your engagement."

"Here, here," Lily called out, as she grabbed and rinsed the wine glasses.

Once poured, and passed around, Doug stood in front of the group and cleared his throat in a dramatic manner. "Yes, well, I'd like to take this moment to remind everyone just what it is Andy has agreed to…" His mischievous smirk was infectious. Lily coughed out a laugh, Andy smiled bemusedly, and Miranda stared, blank faced and wary. Doug wavered just a bit at Miranda's stare, but proceeded. "Right… well, as we all know, the beginning of this amazing relationship was tentative, at best. For those of us on the receiving side, Miranda's intentions were a little confusing at first. After all there was the 'She's married and has three kids' accountant, and the 'she spent a year in jail for prostitution' lawyer, and, of course, the 'she used to be a man' bicycle messenger, not to mention our personally involved affront of 'she gave my brother an std' account manager." The girls were leaning against the kitchen counter laughing hysterically with tears running down their faces, while Miranda continued to stare, slightly paler than at the beginning of this speech.

"But," he intoned with gusto, "once our heroine, Andy, discovered the truth beneath the nefarious tales, she successfully slew the dragon and rescued the queen from her own evil machinations, to win the happy ever after ending of this fairy tale. So, here's to Andy and her chosen queen. May you continue weaving tales of adventure and romance forever more."

"Here, here!" Andy and Lily yelled through their laughter. Miranda, color back to a normal hue, nodded to Doug, thanking him for his acceptance and support.


End file.
